Breathe No More
by tian.kong
Summary: Everything inside Usagi was shattered when Mamoru had betrayed her. But while Mamoru believes that his mistakes won't waver Usagi's devotion, he will learn just how wrong he was when she turns away and cuts him out of her life.
1. Chapter 1

**Life's Unraveling**

"Stay away from her, Mamoru."

And this was what had become of them. Friends who had not only went their separate ways, but pitted against each other by the unraveling of life's sick and twisted game. They were drawing attention, but no one noticed nor cared too. Dark, dangerous emotions were spiraling around all of them, threatening to violently burst.

"Malachite, stop it!" She tugged on his hand roughly, attempting to lead him away from the scene. She did not like confrontations, nor did she think that the look in Malachite's eyes could result in anything but violence. Her eyes pleaded with her older brother to just walk away, but they went unnoticed. He had authoritatively positioned himself in front of her, clutching her hand in a grip that bruised.

"This has nothing to do with you, Malachite." His voice lashed out like a whip, quick and stinging. "It's between Usagi and I. So stay out of this."

"Nothing to do with me!" Taking a threatening step forward, Malachite ignored Usagi's troubled pleas and her insistent tugging. His voiced dropped dangerously low. "Let me make it clear to you."

Their eyes clashed amidst the deafening silence.

Gripping Usagi's hand in a painful hold that halted all of her incessant moving, he took another stiff step toward Mamoru. "Come near my sister again and I'll kill you. You got that?"

"You shouldn't make dangerous comments like that." He closed the gap between them with one long, purposeful stride. "They could get you into a lot of trouble." 

It would have been enough for Malachite to react, but Usagi was there. He never reacted rashly when she was with him.

"Minako, take Usagi home."

"No!" She yanked away from Malachite's grip and aggressively shoved herself between the two. She saw her brother's furious reaction from not only her unwanted interference, but at her now close proximity to Mamoru. 

He grabbed her by her shoulders and took a step back.

"Go home Usagi."

His eyes flickered from Usagi to Mamoru's stoic, hardened features. He mentally dared Mamoru to move, daring him to take another step towards them so that he could unleash the hatred that had formed and fervently thrived in such a short amount of time.

"Malachite."

Two, small shaking hands gripped his head on both sides and urged his gaze downward.

"Malachite, please! Let's just go home okay? Together."

Malachite felt his anger ebb away as he took in his sister's heartbreaking plea. But in the corner of his eye he had noticed the small presence that had joined the fray and was quick to welcome her.

"Well, well, well..."

He felt Usagi stiffen as she turned to see what had caught his attention. It only angered him further.

"Is this your girl, Mamoru?" Sarcasm hit the ceilings with force. "Why don't you let her in on what's going on."

Baffled, the newly arrived female tugged on her boyfriend's quiet form. Although he had not said a word to her, she could tell that his body was taut with still rage. She did not recognize the other man who was speaking to Mamoru, but she knew that she had never seen him so livid, so coldly detached from his surroundings.

"Mamoru, what's he talking about? What's going on…"

"Stay out of this Rei." His voice was remote, powerfully struggling to keep cool. His words had stung her, but he paid no heed; he simply could not afford to right now.

She became silent, and yet remained by his side.

"But she's your _girlfriend_ right, Mamoru? Should she not know?" Malachite could not help it. Could not help basking in the selfish satisfaction of witnessing Mamoru fight against the fury that, he knew, desperately sought to be set free.

"Malachite..."

His head snapped instantly to his left. Swiftly, he cursed himself for inadvertently finding pleasure in something that was causing his sister so much pain. Bodily obstructing her view, he firmly, yet softly gripped her shoulders.

"Usagi, are you-"

"I want to go home." It was merely a whisper. One that was so achingly soft and fragile. "Please. Will you just...take me home?"

Her forehead dropped to his chest. Running a hand through her long, silky hair, he spoke calmly into her ear. "I'm sorry Usa...I'll take you home. We'll go together okay?"

He felt his heart stop beating as drops of moisture began to soak through his shirt.

Throwing a look over his shoulder, Malachite's weakened anger began prickling in resurrection. Mamoru's eyes were only on his sister, his hands clenched at his sides, paying no regard to the woman who clutched his arm.

"Remember what I said Mamoru."

Wrapping an arm around Usagi, he walked her away from the scene, away from the biting words, away from the anger.

Away from the man he once called deemed a brother.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Choices We Make**

"Usa..." Malachite struggled with his words. He had to choose them carefully because he did not want to upset her further, but he did not want her to suppose that he regretted his actions earlier either. He regretted how it hurt her, yes, but he did not feel the least bit of guilt for branding Chiba Mamoru for the worthless bastard he was.

"It's okay Malachite." Sitting down lightly onto her bed, Usagi offered her brother a courageous, reassuring smile.

"I know that you're just trying to keep me from hurting. I'm a lucky girl." 

His heart lurched at the earnest eyes that radiated at him in appreciation. But he still saw the concealed agony, the grief was clear to him.

Grabbing one of the extra chairs, he swiftly twirled it and sat down to face Usagi in one fluid motion. Looking off to the side, he gave a heavy sigh and then took her hands into his. He stared at their grip, while in deep thought.

"Malachite?"

Giving a tight squeeze, he spoke carefully.

"You know..." He let his gaze drift to her nightstand where an extraordinarily intricate golden frame stood. He smiled somberly.

"When Mom and Dad died...I thought that I had died with them. I _wanted _ to have died with them. The way they were forced to leave this world..."

He shook his head and fractionally clenched his jaw. "It was the clearest definition of what was unjust...and unfair in this world. And I was powerless to do anything about it."

"Mal-"

He shook his head, indicating that he wanted to finish. She patiently waited as he composed himself and continued.

"I was weak Usagi. When those damn cops told me about the robbery I was just so _angry,_ so impossibly-- I wanted revenge, Usa. I wanted to have the satisfaction of killing those bastards for taking our parents away..."

Tears escaped and streamed down Usagi's face. Malachite cupped the side of her cheek and wiped them away with the stroke of his thumb.

"But then I looked at you, Usa...I saw you and I knew that I couldn't do anything...I couldn't do anything because then I'd be taken away from you too. I've always _needed _ to protect you. It was the choice that I made." His hand fell away. "I owe it to you...I owe it to Mom and Dad..."

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She was thankful for the time to herself. Granted, the club was not the ideal place for peace and quiet, but this was the hangout and the only place she truly felt comfortable in. Recalling how she had to forcefully demanded Malachite to take Minako out on the date he had previously promised, Usagi thought back to their talk.

He had always imposed that role upon himself, the role of the father, older brother, best friend...Sometimes she just did not think that she deserved it all. And so she tried her best to do the same for him. She continuously sought to be there for him, even if he just needed someone to quietly sit with him as he thought. He had sacrificed so much to watch over her and she did not want to cause undue trouble for him.

But the fact was that she was a grown woman. She had to rid herself of needing his support, needing his advice. She knew that she was strong; she just had to learn to rein in her raging emotions that reigned in all the unwanted attention.

"Usa. Want another?" The tall, handsome man behind the redwood counter leaned in questioningly. His eyes showed concern. "Are you alright?"

Damn. "I'm fine, I'm fine." She waved it off with her hand. "Could I get another?"

Chuckling, he began to pour her a drink that he had specially named after her. "One Sparkling Princess coming right up!" He eyed her mischievously. "Better watch those drinks, Usa. I don't want you to start making passes at me."

Usagi playfully swatted him on the arm. Looking around the bustling, crowded venue, she leaned in suggestively and raised an eyebrow. "Why? You'd turn me down, Jed?" She pouted. "I'm your best customer!"

Jadeite pinned her with a pointed look. "Your brother would have my head..." Usagi laughed again. "But, hell, I wouldn't mind being buried alive if you gave me one night."

Rolling her eyes, Usagi sipped her drink and was back to gazing at everyone else while Jadeite took care of another customer.

They were good friends, who were at tremendous ease with one another. Neither had ever harnessed feelings for the other, and they both found it quite comforting. She had met Jadeite through Malachite. Years ago, her brother had been the one to introduce her to the place. Although she had thought that he would have been disapproving of her being at such scene, he had introduced Jadeite as the owner and close friend. And so this was where she and her friends ended up spending a good majority of their leisure time.

"Excuse me."

A female voice intruded into her thoughts. Usagi froze as she recognized the woman who took the seat next to her. A cold tremble trickled down her spine and she felt her throat fight for breath.

"You're the woman from this afternoon right?" 

Rei registered the long haired beauty nod her head in affirmation. She did not know how she had recognized her, but she knew that it was her. She also did not quite know why she had approached her either...but she did regardless. Recalling how the questions she had thrown at Mamoru hours ago were met with empty answers, Rei again felt the sinking feeling of self-doubt and unpleasant foreboding. It was the same feeling that had slammed into her when Mamoru had warned her to stop questioning what had happened right before he turned away from her and shut the door to their bedroom.

Uneasiness caused her to speak hastily.

"I'm Rei."

Usagi murmured her name softly, barely allowing Rei to register it over all the commotion around them. But, she knew that the other had heard it from the quick nod of her head.

Silence hung between them. Rei was the first to break.

"Look," she succinctly interjected, "I don't know who you think you are."

Usagi's head shot up. "What?"

"Don't play stupid!" Rei sneered. "I don't know what little feelings you have for Mamoru. And frankly, I don't care." She callously ignored the flinch she detected. "Mamoru loves me. And I love him."

Usagi dropped her head and concentrated on her drink before her. "I know."

"Are you sure that you understand?" It was a challenge.

But Usagi refused to rise to the bait.

"Yes." It was automatic...shiveringly mechanical.

"I don't know what type of past you and he had, but it's in the past, okay?" She leaned into Usagi's small form. "I want you to stay away from him."

Seeing that Usagi did not answer, Rei promptly grabbed her purse from the counter top. "Mamoru's expecting me." And with that she heatedly walked away.

Usagi stared at the melting ice in her glass. Feeling her composition slipping away, she remembered Malachite and remembered that she had to remain strong for him.

Squaring her shoulders and straightening her back, she made her way to the restroom, not noticing Jadeite's worried eyes as he watched her and picked up the phone.

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	3. Chapter 3

**To Those We Shall Conquer**

It was not like her, she knew it.

But Usagi was aching inside and so very close to physically collapsing under the sorrow that washed over her in waves. The alcohol, naturally, blurred her vision and made her unable to think coherently; but as long as they numbed the hurt…she simply could not care less.

Trying to steady her uneven breathing, she concentrated on maintaining her composure. 'I'm going to be strong. I'm not weak…' She tightened her hand firmly around the small glass in front of her, 'I'm not.'

Jadeite sent uneasy looks her way as he poured another customer a drink. He had been carefully keeping track of Usagi's alcohol consumption and tried to find the heart to refuse her next request. He planned to send her straight home.

'God…I sound like her brother…"

Her physical stature simply did not allow her to drink much, she knew it and Jadeite knew it. But what he also knew that she was hurting inside. And he did not like knowing that one bit. Usually she confided in him with no qualms, but this time was different and for the life of him, he couldn't figure out why.

Narrowing his eyes, Jadeite watched as someone confidently approached her. After exchanging a few words, the man slid his arm securely around Usagi's waist and headed for the dance floor.

They disappeared into the crowd.

"Oh fuck…"

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"Mamoru." Motoki discreetly nudged his best friend, who was bored and making no effort to hide the fact.

They sat at one of the tables that outlined the dance floor. Rei and Rita were having a frivolous conversation about their latest shopping spree, while the two of them only spoke when asked for their input.

Mamoru sent him a question look.

"Look." With a nod of his head, Motoki pointed out to Mamoru what had been silently eating him up in agitation. 'What the hell is she _doing_?'

He had expected Mamoru to be surprised, as well as a bit upset, but he was admittedly startled by the way Mamoru's eyes had glazed over in iced fury.

Coughing, he shifted uneasily in his seat.

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Usagi swayed with the music seductively, paying no heed to the man behind her. She was not thinking straight, but she liked it that way. Moving rhythmically, she felt her dance partner pull her closer to him, his hands slid expertly along the sides of her body slowly and purposefully.

The dance floor was packed with patrons who constantly bumped into her. Noticing this, her partner turned her around and tightly pulled her into his arms.

Looking up, she noticed how handsome he was for the first time. He charmingly smiled down at her, whispering something incoherent into her right ear.

Things were getting fuzzier and fuzzier.

"Wanna go somewhere private?"

"Wha?"

Barely noticing that he had taken her hand, Usagi found herself being led to the bathroom. She was confused, but simply followed, not having the logic to question.

She raised her eyebrows questioningly as he locked the door behind them.

"Why are we here?"

He reached her in two steps. Gathering her into his arms, he soothing whispered into her ear.

"I just want to talk…"

His hands began to rove as he trailed kisses down her neck.

She knew that it was wrong. Her mind knew it. A part of her fought to acknowledge it, but the alcohol had dramatically dulled her senses. She was not giggling with pleasure, but neither was she fending off his advances.

Extremely confused, she just stood.

"Baby…you're so gorgeous…"

His onslaught was rough. His mouth powerfully slammed onto hers, muffling her cry of surprise. She found herself shoved against the cold, brick wall, as his large hands began to caress the skin underneath her shirt. He lifted her slightly so that she was forced to straddle the thigh he had inserted between her legs.

"Fuck," he was breathing hard, "you're going to be so good…"

The shock of it all began to wear away the fuzziness and Usagi began to push away at the large chest. She felt his hand between them as he fumbled to undo his zipper, paying no acknowledgement to her feeble attempts to push him away.

"No…wait…"

"Don't worry, baby. I got you…you'll like it. I promise." He kissed her again and his hands found their way underneath her shirt once again; touching her intimately, a large hand cupped her breast and she pushed harder.

"No…wait...no!"

"Shh…shh…you'll thank me once it's over." He brutally gripped her thigh. He quivered with anticipation. "You want it, you know that you do. Don't fight me."

Tears began to form as she felt herself being pushed up higher against the wall.

'O God…'

She heard a series of pounding, and then a loud crack. And before she understood what was going on, the heavy weight that had suppressed her was gone.

"Usagi!"

Still shocked, Usagi barely registered Motoki in front of her.

"Usagi, it's me okay? I've got you."

"Motoki?"

Allowing him to hold her closely, she realized that his eyes were concentrated on something else.

Her head whipped to the side and she froze in shock.

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Mamoru sent another powerful kick to the other man's stomach, causing him to howl in pain. Blood splashed onto the ceramic floor.

"Get up." He watched impassively as the man, who was now a bloody mess clutched his stomach with both hands and moaned.

He didn't care.

Before barging into the bathroom, Mamoru had sat and watched as the filthy bastard put his hands all over Usagi, taking pleasure in touching her…taking selfish, disgusting sexual pleasure in feeling every part of her body. His eyes had heatedly followed them into the bathroom and he had sat idle for less than a second before jumping out of the booth.

He replayed the image that had greeted him when he had finally broken down the bathroom door.

Pure, powerful anger clouded his whole being.

"I said get up."

Receiving no reply, Mamoru grabbed a fistful of shirt. Propelling the other man up into the air, Mamoru graced him with a fierce punch to the stomach on his descent down.

As blood spewed onto the floor, Mamoru smiled in sadistic satisfaction.

The man was on his knees and hands, vehemently coughing and attempting to catch his breath.

Crouching down to watch, Mamoru remained expressionless.

"Look at me."

Still gasping for breath, the man paid no attention to Mamoru's demands.

As his cold composure slipped away, Mamoru pushed the other man against the wall.

He waited until the swollen eyes opened up to him.

"I'm going to kill you for touching her."

"MAMORU!"

Arms wrapped around him and attempted to pull him back, but he fought against them. He wasn't done.

Tightening his hold, Motoki blocked Mamoru's path. "Mamoru, stop it! You've almost fucking killed him!"

Unsatisfied, Mamoru fought harder to finish what he had set out to do.

"Look! Look at her Mamoru! Usagi's fine."

Unsure of himself, Mamoru turned around and froze as his gaze fell upon Usagi. Shaking, she stood clutching the front of her shirt together.

"I'm fine Mamoru…" Her voice wavered slightly, "I'm okay."

She, herself, was unsure of what she had just witnessed. She had never seen Mamoru so…uncontrolled of his emotions. Admittedly, she was scared of what he was going to do and so she forced herself to speak convincingly. "I'm alright, I-"

She stopped when Mamoru started towards her. Standing centimeters apart, neither one said a single word. Not wanting to face Mamoru's stare, Usagi uncomfortably lowered her gaze and tightened the grip on her shirt. She froze as his hands slowly went around her…and cradled her carefully in his arms. Shaking, she was surprised when she felt him let out a sigh of relief.

"USAGI!"

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	4. Chapter 4

A World of Lies 

They simply stared at each other as the streetlight in the back alley basked them in an eerie light. The only audible noises were the fading music from the club and the periodic honking of car horns from the street.

Usagi shivered and hugged herself tightly, attempting to shield herself from the cold chill. After Minako had stormed through the crowd and found them in the bathroom, she had told them that Malachite was searching for her as well. When Mamoru heard this, he immediately grabbed Usagi and ushered her away from everyone.

And this was where they were. Neither of them had spoken a word for a good three minutes.

"Are you sure that you're alright?" 

She felt his eyes boring into her.

Nodding, she finally met his gaze. "I'm fine. Just a little shaken up, I guess." As memories resurfaced, she willed herself to forget everything that had happened less than 15 minutes ago. "Thank you for coming..." It was a mere whisper.

"Usagi, I-" He stopped and took a deep breath. As she noticed his eyes slowly close in mute frustration, she wondered why he was having such difficulty speaking with her. After what they had been through together, she had expected him to treat her with the cold indifference she had become accustomed to.

It hurt to be near him like this. This was a man who had hurt her in ways that no one had ever done, in a magnitude that few people had the ability to meet. But meet he did. He was so very close, and she desperately wanted to be in his arms again…to feel the safe security that she had used to feel whenever he had held her.

'But that can never happen again,' she told herself, 'He gave it up...'

The day that she had realized that Mamoru had given up on them was the day that she had lost complete faith in him...and in love. Her heart had bled and the feeling of utter lost had left her at the brink of internal destruction.

"Usagi..." He stuffed his fisted hands in his pockets. "I want things to be better between us...I don't want it to be like this."

Looking at him in confusion, she felt long ago buried emotions come up in self-resurrection. There was no reason for him to do this. _He_ had given up on them, not her. He was the one who had listened to his father and found a woman who was more acceptable to for his family.

Someone who had a joyful, untainted upbringing.

Someone who had the chance to bask in the glow of two loving parents.

Someone that wasn't her.

"We are where we are Mamoru." Her comment indicated that she didn't want to discuss it any further, but he paid no heed.

"Usagi, just because we can't be together doesn't mean that we can't be friends!" He vehemently continued, "I can't change the past okay! But you don't have to _be_ like this!"

"Like _this_!" She gestured to herself. "Like _me_ right, Mamoru? You mean that I don't need to be like _me._"

Holding her hands up to stop him from refuting what she had said, she fought to remain calm. "I think that we've already established that what I am doesn't suit your needs Mamoru. There's no reason for us to try to make things different."

"Usagi," he grabbed her wrist, but she forcefully yanked away from him and took a step back. "Usagi!" He was yelling now, trying to make her understand. "There's _nothing _ wrong with you. We just didn't work out and we broke up –"

"NO!" She furiously shook her head at him in denial at his words. "_We _didn't break up, Mamoru! _You_ did. _You _were the one who told me that your father was the one who cared that I had no parents. _You_ were the one who told me that you couldn't care less because you _loved_ me." Her tears came freely now and she chocked on her sobs, but continued regardless. "_You_ were the one who told me that she was nothing to you except someone who your father kept forcing you to spend time with."

"Usa-" His face was scrunched in pain at her words and he took a step forward, reaching towards her.

She took a step back.

His hand fell away and he hung his head in defeat.

"Do you love her?"

When he didn't answer her, she repeated herself in a broken command. "Do you love her, Mamoru?"

"Yes." It was a mere whisper. But she had heard it as if it had been shouted.

She broke.

As she blinked back the ocean of tears that were more than ready to fall again, she stared at the wet pavement that had been sprinkled with the signs of her pain.

"I'm happy for you then."

His head shot up and he stared at her. With confused and anguished eyes, he stared at her as she refused to meet his stare.

"I'm glad that you found someone who could make you happy."

As she lifted her head, she stared directly back at the man who had practically killed her with mere words.

"But I'm asking you to do something for me. Not out of the false love we had shared-"

"It's not like that!" Taking her heatedly by the shoulders, he willed her to understand. "It wasn't false love, Usagi! You can't believe that!"

Eyes wide, she stared at him and forced herself to not read into the look of wild panic in him.

Speaking heartbreakingly soft, she stared at his chest, "You can't fall out of true love, Mamoru." She trembled from the sorrow that came with being so close to him. "What we had was a lie. And maybe with Rei you've finally found it."

His hands dropped away from her.

"I'm asking you to please stay away from me." Sending him a pleading look she bit her lips and tasted the saltiness from the blood that she had inadvertently drawn. "It may be easy and simple for you, but out of respect for me, please…I just…I just can't see you...it hurts too much."

He said nothing in response.

With overwhelming grief in her heart, she walked through the entryway and leaned against the now closed door. Closing her eyes, she let out a choked sob and crumpled to the floor.

But little did she know that right outside, the same man she had left did the same.

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	5. Chapter 5

**The Reality Of It All**

Minako watched him from the corner of her eye as she waited at the counter for her order. She knew that he had seen her as well. Anger welled up inside of her, but she calmly kept the destructive emotion at bay while thanking the server for his promptness. She wanted to get back to Malachite's as quickly as possible.

As she made her way to the doorway, she found her path blocked. The man she had forced herself to avoid was now before her, unsmiling and unaffected by her narrowed eyes.

"What do you want, Mamoru?" She made no move to hide her distaste at his presence.

She had always thought of herself as someone who was unable to truly hate another person…but the feeling that came with watching the man before her certainly came close. Clenching her jaw, she wanted to slap the cool, unaffected look off his face. He had no right. _No_ right to stand in front of her like this…like he didn't just throw the two people she held dear in her heart into hell.

It had been two weeks. It was two weeks of silent weeping around the corner whenever Usagi thought that it would be safe to cry without anyone overhearing. It was twenty-one days of sleepless nights alone while Malachite helplessly snuck into his sister's room just so he could watch over her while she slept. It was five hundred and four hours of pure hell as she uselessly sat and watched two of the closest people she held dear in her heart go through pain.

And he was the cause of it all.

"Where's Usagi?" His voice lacked any type of emotion and his cool eyes gave away nothing.

She wanted to shake him in fury. Feeling tears begin to form out of emotions that ranged from immense spite to overwhelming sorrow, she wanted to make her escape quickly. She had to get home to Malachite. But it just didn't make sense to her. How could Mamoru callously throw  
Usagi aside and yet act the way he has been? However, just as quickly as the thought came, it went away. No reason or explanation could ever justify his actions.

"It's none of your concern." She side stepped and attempted to move pass him, but he merely blocked her path again.

"Don't make this hard, Minako."

"You want to know where she is?" she spat out defiantly, "She's home, Mamoru. She's home crying her eyes out."

Her eyes narrowed as she detected the faint flash of pain that crossed his eyes. Something inside of her lit up and she delved in experimentation.

"She doesn't eat. She doesn't sleep. Congratulations Mamoru, you should give yourself a pat on the back."

Mamoru's gaze jerked away from her calculating eyes and he made it a point to stare at the wall far behind her. His lips formed into a firm, thin line and his fingers flexed, and then reverted back into their fisted position. His clear pain only served to fuel Minako's animosity. She stepped into him and leaned to whisper callously into his ear. He didn't acknowledge her movements, choosing to stiffly stare ahead.

"You may have broken her, Mamoru." Minako's hands began to quiver, barely able to restrain herself from physically lashing out. "How does that make you feel, huh? Joyful, successive, powerful? To realize that you had the strength to make her feel like she was walking on air one moment and close to dying from agony in the next?"

When he didn't acknowledge her words, Minako placed herself directly into his line of vision and waited until his eyes flickered downward. "You mark my words, Mamoru. Usagi _will_ get over you. She _will_ go on. And she _will_ find someone else."

He flinched at her last sentence. It was small, but Minako saw it as clear as day. His arrogance astounded her.

She let out a harsh laughter filled with disbelief.

"What? You think that she won't find someone else?"

Mamoru said nothing and broke eye contact. But there was an aching inside that he tried to will away; feelings that proved him to be weak in resolve. Emotions that tore him apart inside, affirming what he had been denying for the past months: that he had made a mistake.

"You and I both know that with a snap of her fingers, Usagi could have any man at her beck and call. And anyone of them would be better than you."

And with that, she walked furiously through the door.

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	6. Chapter 6

Our Sins Will Condemn Us 

Mamoru fumbled for the door knob. His vision was hazy, the aftereffects of trying to will away the pain that was burning a deep, scorching hole into his hollow heart. Gulping down air, he cleared his throat and welcomed the darkness that awaited him when he opened the door to his loft. He flickered on the lights and was disturbed by what it uncovered.

Rei sat solemnly on the couch, waiting for him. She didn't bother to turn her head at his presence, choosing to continue looking straight ahead with a grim expression marring her face. If the light had jolted her, it didn't show.

"Where have you been?"

Unfazed by her the frigidness of her tone, Mamoru made his way to the corner bar and poured himself a drink. He allowed the bitter liquid to soothingly burn its way into his chest. It only served to reinforce the feeling of void.

"I was out."

She was quick to lose her cool façade. Red silk whirled with her as she abruptly got up and purposely made his way to him.

"You were _out_?" She lashed out, incredulously staring at him. "You left me at the club by myself, Mamoru!"

Annoyed, Mamoru roughly unbuttoned the collar of his dress shirt and made his way into the bedroom. He wasn't surprised when she followed suit.

"Were you with her?"

Mamoru abruptly froze in the midst of taking off his blazer. After a few moments of silence, he continued to undress without answering her.

Rei shook with uncontrollable rage. They had already been through this. Mamoru had chosen her and agreed to put his past life behind him. And that included the naïve brat that had stuck to him like glue. But she knew that instigating him and insulting the other woman would only anger him, and so she did what had always worked before.

Slipping off the straps of her gown, Rei let the liquid silk fall to her feet like a waterfall. She knew that she had garnered Mamoru's attention by the stiffening in his posture. Walking purposely, seductively toward him, she softly pushed him into a sitting position on the bed and straddled him. When he made no move to put his hands on her, she placed both of her hands onto his shoulders and calculatingly arched her body into his. She felt his arousal growing. Internally satisfied with the power she held over him, she placed her hot mouth onto his and was rewarded with his immediate response.

Wasting no time, she hastily found the buckle to his belt and ran a hand over his wondrous length. She quivered with delightful anticipation.

She gave a shriek when she found herself on the floor.

"What are you doing?" Outraged, she grabbed her recently discarded nightgown and covered herself.

Mamoru's only response was burying his head into his hands.

_'She **will** get over you...'_

With quivering hands, he reached to zip up his pants.

_'She **will** go on...'_

He quickly buttoned up his shirt.

"MAMORU!"

_'She **will** find someone else...'_

And he was out the door.

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Mamoru stared. It was pitch dark and a single lamppost illuminated the large estate in front of him.

She was in there, he knew. But was she sleeping, dreaming, crying, thinking? He didn't know.

And it killed him.

There was a time, when he would know every single thing that happened in Usagi's life. Those were the days where he would angrily rebuke her if he found out that she had not let him know about things as little as a paper cut. Those were the days that he would give up everything to have back.

His heart ached with all that he couldn't say, couldn't do, and couldn't change.

He had given her up, thinking that they would both be happier this way. His father's unyielding pressure on him had taken its toll and he had succumbed under pressure. If he had stayed with Usagi then he would have been forever carrying the burden of being a disappointment as a son and Usagi would indirectly suffer as well. She didn't deserve that, and so he had made the decision for both of them.

Along the way, he had grown closer to Rei. As the daughter of prominent socialites, Rei was beautiful, intelligent, and well-bred. His father had insisted that they spend time together, and Mamoru did in fact find some happiness in her company. Even while with Usagi, he had selfishly felt attracted to the woman that his father was so blatantly advertising to him.

He was a fool.

Usagi deserved better than a man who had willingly kissed and held another behind her back. He hated himself for it. Despised himself for what he had allowed to happen. And so he had let Usagi go.

And when he did, he had the opportunity to welcome Rei's advances without guilt. It had been rough and wild. Passionate and seductively animal like. Having sex with Rei was an adrenaline rush and he hadn't been able to get enough. He had buried himself in her and reveled in her cries of pleasure.

And then in the morning, he had stared up into the ceiling awash with regret and sickening dread.

Usagi would never forgive him.

But he had contented himself with the fact that she was forgiving…that she would be unable to cut all ties with him.

What a fool he was.

Word had spread fast.

And Usagi had withdrawn completely from him. Refused to speak or see him. Refused to acknowledge him. The pain in her eyes ate away at his soul.

Closing his eyes from the dark remembrance of all his sins, Mamoru remembered why it had been better to let her go. He deserved the darkness. He deserved to live without the only woman he would ever love. Because he had succumbed to the ruthless need save face with his father, to save face with a woman who had so openly seduced him…he deserved to have his place in his own hell.

But Usagi's refusal to have anything to do with him was unbearable. He needed the assurance of her presence like he needed air. He had prepared himself for her anger and hurt, but still had selfishly held onto the idea that one simple site of her each day would make his life minimally livable.

_'She **will** find someone else...'_

Clenching his fists, Mamoru ignored the thin trails of blood that he drew. Minako had been right. He knew that Usagi would eventually move on, but a part of him had hoped that she wouldn't. He wasn't blind. He knew that men fell over for her; when they had been together, it became second nature to him to cast icy glares that warned other men to not let their gaze linger overly long at her form.

Unwanted images of Usagi in the arms of a faceless man intruded into his thoughts. Kissing, holding, and making love.

His blood boiled.

He and Usagi had never taken that ultimate step. They had came close, but he had stopped them from progressing. She was so innocent…so untainted…he hadn't wanted to ruin that. With Rei, he took and conquered. The pleasure was there, the satisfaction was there, but there was no tenderness, no warmth, no love.

Knowing Usagi was a virgin rested his soul a bit, but not for long. One day, she would allow another man to have her.

He couldn't accept that.

Looking at the darkened window that emitted moonlight into Usagi's room, Mamoru vowed under all the stars under the darkened sky.

He wouldn't accept it.

He'd kill if he had to.

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End file.
